Sexless in the City

Waiting until marriage to have sex? What kind of weirdo are you? No one waits anymore, or do they?The answer is yes. There are many people who wait and as cheesy as it may sound there are others who after they've had sex change their minds and decide to wait until marriage. They reclaim their virginity, which can also be called secondary virginity.

I recently received an email from my friend, Lucy. In her email she expressed her sentiments about having a boyfriend and not being ready for sex. As I continued to read, I came across a question; a question that had I given it any less thought, I would have answered incorrectly. “How will I have a successful relationship, if relationships are all about the intimacy? Can my relationship be successful without intimacy?” After giving the question some thought, I realized she was saying intimacy but referring to sex.

Many times intimacy is equated with sex. We fail to realize that there are other ways of being intimate that don’t involve sex. Have you ever felt goose bumps just from looking into your honey’s eyes, felt tingles just from hearing him say I love you, or just felt safe while resting your head on his shoulder during a movie? That’s intimacy. Intimacy can be learning to love the same things your partner loves. It can also be laughing together, sharing a meal and just spending time together. Sex is just one way of being intimate.

Of course there are times when kissing that special someone makes you want to betray your morals and feed your cravings, but that’s normal. Who doesn’t have sexual desires? You’re human. However, it isn’t always necessary to act on your impulses. We need to place less importance on the physical act of sex and more emphasis on the emotional connection between two people. Take the time to learn about that person; their likes and dislikes, fears and hopes.

Being in a sexless relationship shows patience and commitment. Your sex drive isn’t going to be the same 60 years down the line. Knowing that a person can be there for you without it could be a sign that the person is actually worth your time. Never compromise your morals. Betraying your morals may lead you to resent your partner and these feelings will eventually ruin your relationship.

As for Lucy, I finally gave her an answer. I advised her not to follow the crowd and talk to her partner. In the end she should do what is best for her. Finally, I told her that if she isn’t ready it’s okay to wait; “the best things are worth waiting for and the right partner will understand that.”

Have an opinion? Please post it or feel free to email me at: rose032385@gmail.com

Gifts are about the heart behind it

Two years ago I received a homemade card from my boyfriend. After that he has given me many expensive gifts, but none make me feeI how I felt, when I got the card. To me that card has been the best gift he has ever given me. I feel that having him take the time to put into words how he felt about me was more valuable than any gift he could buy. Sometimes the smallest things can make a big difference in someone’s life. However, many people would disagree.

With the holidays rapidly approaching, people are going from being jolly to being overwhelmed.

“This is so stressful! I really don’t know what to get him for Christmas,” one of the girls said. “I don’t know what to get my cousin or my sister either,” said the other. This was a conversation I overheard while waiting at a check-out line at a Walmart near my house.

As they went on and on about how stressful the holiday season was, I realized people are missing the whole point of the holidays. ‘Tis the season to be jolly,’ not stressed and worried. Gift giving evolved many years ago. It was used as a sign of appreciation and a signal of love.

Yes, this is still the gift giving season but the best gift one can give or receive is Love. Some may think the bigger the gift the more you are showing someone you care. However, showing someone you care does not mean drilling a hole in your pockets. Sure, if it grows on you to spend on big gifts, do it. Just don’t feel you have to in order to express your feelings.

An expensive gift doesn’t really show you care. I know a girl who bought her boss a pricey gift and she doesn’t even like him. My point is that it’s the little things that count. A present that cost you little to no money can be worth the most. Remember gifts are more about the sentiments not the price tag.

To me, baking a cake for someone, cutting flowers, or even just spending an afternoon with someone special is a wonderful way of showing them you care. It lets them know how important they are to you. Of course I understand we sometimes want to buy gifts for the people we love, but it shouldn’t be stressful.

Ironically giving is also receiving. When I give someone a gift, and regardless of the price it brings a smile to their face, I feel like I’ve received something as well.

When in doubt buy a card. There is no clearer way to say I love you.

So why stress during this wonderful time of year. Instead let’s embrace the wonders and enjoy them near our family, friends and loved ones.

Feel free to comment and provide your suggestions on inexpensive gift ideas. Have questions? I can be reached at:rose032385@gmail.com

The Color of Love

Today, interracial relationships have become very common. However, just like almost 25 years ago, these couples face challenges that can make it difficult to have a happy relationship. Inevitably, interracial couples have different cultures, different beliefs, and different customs. Although all these differences exist, can Love really conquer all?

Being that America is a melting pot, one would think two people, from different backgrounds, falling in love would be accepted. Unfortunately, society can sometimes make us feel uncomfortable with ourselves; therefore, not allowing us to accept others’ differences. We live in a world where people are judged by stereotypes. Maintaining a relationship is not easy, and it doesn’t help to constantly be pressured not only by friends and family but also by the general public.

If “regular” couples come across difficult moments in their relationships, just imagine the challenges couples with so many differences might be facing and having to deal with. These differences don’t really have to be a burden on the relationship. Instead of looking at the differences as obstacles, why not embrace them and make them into a positive experience? This can be an opportunity to learn and experience other cultures. It is a chance to see the beauty of other nationalities and a way to strengthen the relationship.

Getting outside of your comfort zone can teach you many things. It enriches your knowledge about things you never took the time to think about. Take it all in and enjoy it. Not many people get the pleasure of sharing a moment where one surprises the other with something you’ve never experienced before. It’s amazing how much you can learn from someone who is so different from you. The beauty of it all is that you never thought you would have anything in common with that person whom you’re learning from.

Interracial couples can love and respect each other just like any couple. Don’t let the world tell you who you will be happy with. In the end they are not the ones dating that person, you are. Some people are just still ignorant toward the fact that love is love and not a color. They forget that the most important part of any relationship is love. If you both are in love, there are no boundaries. "Love never fails," (Corinthians 13:1).

What's your take on this?

For more info: Questions or comments contact Rosemary at rose032385@gmail.com

Racing to the Alter: Wedding vs. Marriage

According to my previous article, ‘Marriage Cravings,’ marriage is the next big thing. Everyone is talking about it and many of the people in my circle have already done it. Seeing how recently married couples’ relationships are developing, made me question the reasons why people are tying the knot. Do women genuinely want to get married because they are head over heels for their future husbands, or do they just like the idea of becoming a princess for a day? Are women taking marriage and making it into a competition where the race ends when the wedding day arrives?

Weddings are a lot of fun, but for the bride and groom they can be extremely stressful. Although the bride is usually the one who gets consumed by trying to perfect all the details, a stressed out bride can end up repelling the groom and making him want to pull out his hair…Hey, who wants to marry Bridezilla? I have met plenty of brides-to-be who get so into the wedding planning that they forget the purpose of the ceremony. Although many people use the words marriage and wedding interchangeably, they don’t realize that there is a huge difference between the two.

A marriage is the emotional and legal commitment two people make to one another. A wedding is the ceremony where two people are joined in marriage. Anyone can go to city hall, get a marriage license, and get married. The wedding should be just a bonus. Your happiness shouldn’t depend on whether or not you have a big wedding.

It’s a bit discouraging when I hear people refer to the wedding day as ‘the happiest day of your life.’ If that’s the happiest day of your life what is there to look forward to?
I would like to clarify that I am not against weddings. I just feel that I can do just fine without one. A wedding is just for one day; a day in which couples stress themselves out trying to please everyone on the guest list. On the other hand a marriage is something that should last a lifetime. And to make it even better you only have to please that one person who is also interested in pleasing you. Having two people, who are in love, be united through marriage is one of the best things society has come up with. However, many people get so caught up in the details of the wedding that they let that mess up their entire relationship.

Just remember your wedding day isn’t the end of the race; it’s only the beginning. Once you have the privilege of saying you have a successful marriage, you can call yourself a true winner.

What is your opinion?

Why Isn't He Proposing?

You guys know each other so well that one can finish the other’s sentence. He knows what you are thinking, and you hold his deepest secrets. You guys are the prefect match. Besides being your significant other, he is also your best friend. If everything is so perfect, why doesn’t he propose?

Having a man get on one knee and making you his blushing bride is a moment almost every woman craves.

Take Amanda for example:

She’s been with Kenneth since the age of 18. Six years and way too many break-ups & make-ups later they are still together finding themselves feeling stronger about each other.

This may sound like the perfect story, but Amanda had an itch, on her left hand’s ring finger, for three years now. It all started in 2006. Everyone around her made her feel Kenneth would propose. They kept dropping what she thought were hints. Although she wasn’t at all prepared for marriage and had thought about it for many years later, she tried to prepare herself. She knew the love was there, but that year was when she figured out just how much she loved him. Marriage didn’t scare her (well marriage with him). July 31^st arrived and was gone and the proposal never happened.

Since then, Amanda has been agonizing about marriage for a long time. The pressure has been haunting her. Not only is everyone at work constantly announcing their engagements and honeymoon plans, but also every year her family expects him to propose. And it doesn’t help that every time she finds one of her high school friends on facebook, they are either married, or about to be married.

Kenneth knows Amanda wants her relationship to ascend to another level, and so does he. Recently he wrote her a note that read:

“I know you’re stressed out about marriage, but honestly I don’t deserve you if I can’t take care of u and our future family. I really have plans for us. I just wanna set us up for the future so we don’t have to worry about anything.”

She started to think about what if they did get married right now? Where would they live? Yes, they would be happy, but financially they would be stressed, which could affect their relationship. Now they are saving toward their future. And since they are young, waiting isn’t a problem.

Occasionally she finds herself watching her friends and family walking down the aisle and knows that one day Kenneth will grant her the wish of taking the walk herself.

Like Amanda, there are many women who would love to walk down the aisle and into the land of happily ever after. One of the reasons men don’t feel the pressure of marriage is that they are running on a different biological clock than women. Women have the disadvantage that their time will run out. However, men do not realize it. The good thing is that science has improved and now women are able to have children well into their forties.

Sometimes women give men everything they would in a marriage. This is not going to help; instead, it can hurt your chances. Ever heard the expression “Why buy a cow if you already have the milk?” What this means is that if a man is getting everything he would in a marriage, why get married? Nothing will be different. Just give him a glimpse of the incentives he will receive in marriage. I’m not only referring to sexual activities, but also to the treatment you will give him.

I know persistence pays off, but nagging and constantly talking about marriage will only prolong it. Let him mention it. Observe him and let him talk about the plans he has for the future. You have to make sure you aren’t putting all your efforts into dragging someone into something that isn’t going to work. The boyfriend and girlfriend stage is the preview of marriage. If you don’t like what you see now, it will only get worse during marriage. Of course communication is key, so when there is a problem talking about it is the solution.

One of the biggest issues couples face is finance. Planning ahead and preparing yourselves for a better future, will prevent the strain financial difficulties may put on your relationship. Like in Amanda’s case waiting might be the smartest idea.

Perhaps the question isn’t why he is not proposing. The real issue may be why not just wait and see.

That is my opinion. What's yours? Feel free to comment and post your ideas and opinions.

Where is Mr. Right?

This is a question Carly asks herself every day. The 23-year-old sits at her desk browsing the Internet, in the hopes of finding the perfect match.“Am I just a loser?” She asks looking away from the Craigslist website. She has been searching for people, who like her, are looking to find “the one.” “People tell me to leave it up to fate and destiny, but all fate has provided me with has been perverted old men, men with anger problems, ones who rely on me for money, and even questionably gay men.” “I still have hope that one day the Knight on the white horse will show up and rescue me.” Carly’s fairy tales never have happy endings. For some odd reason she always hops on the wrong horse.

First there was Charles. He was a very handsome man with big hair to match his personality, but turned out to be a 40-year-old pervert.

Next there was Derek. At first he was cute, funny and charming, but she later discovered he was slightly psychotic. He left angry messages on her voicemail causing Carly to change her phone number.

Then there was Marcos, who wasn’t physically attractive, but caught Carly’s attention with his intelligence. However, she was quickly disappointed by his arrogance and his “angry black man” conversations. The last straw was when he asked her to western union him $300. They never spoke again.

Finally, there was Ricky. He had caramel eyes, a charming personality, smelled amazing and had a great sense of humor. He was the perfect man, but not for her…for another man. Yes, he was gay.

Why is Carly attracting the wrong men? She holds a degree in Psychology. She is currently studying to get her masters; she’s tall and slim with curves in the right places. She is a sweet sensitive girl with an amazing personality…So now…you may ask yourself what is wrong with her. The answer to that question is absolutely nothing. The only thing I believe she is doing wrong is looking for love.

Like Carly, there are many women eager to find their soul mate. They want to make sure they have that special someone to share a blissful life with.

I say don’t look for love, let love find you. Have you ever lost something and you look and look and never find it? Then once you stop looking it randomly appears. That is the same way cupid will work his magic. He will strike when you least expect it. Try to focus more on yourself. Something I think would work is enrolling in activities you like to do. There, you are likely to meet people with similar interests.

We women have to stop mulling over the flawless man we want to find. It’s not like you can make a list and have God build a person that matches the qualities you put on there.You are likely to find a flaw that is not on your “perfect man” list.

Throw the list away. If not you might be dooming yourself to never finding Mr. Right, and like Carly continue to date Mr. Right Now.

What do you do to find Mr. Right? Discuss...

My Purpose...

Have you ever watched a movie and imagined you were the main character? I know I have. Watching romantic movies that sweep you off your feet make you feel that you, too, can attain happiness. However, they also set your expectations for relationships at a higher level. Wouldn't it feel awesome to hear and watch true love stories that actually happened?It's even nice to see how people handle situations when the story's ending is not so peachy.

Listening to friends, family and co-workers talk about the best and the worst of their relationships has inspired me to write/blog. Why? Well after watching the development, maintenance, and survival of many relationships, it gave me the understanding that many women feel the same way or are encountering the same issues. I believe sharing the experiences will help others realize that they are not alone. It will also show them that problems have solutions. Wouldn’t you want to fulfill your life and have great relationships? I believe this Blog will help those who are married, single, dating, or dealing with a break-up. Romantic relationships will not be my only focus. I will also extend my advice to those having issues with parents, family members, and friends. I believe reading my postings will not only be helpful but also enjoyable.

Here you will read about real people. Although the names are changed (for privacy purposes) the stories are 100% real. I will provide you with my honest opinion, based on my observations and research. Feel free to comment, share your own experiences and ask questions...Enjoy!